Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Keep talking Dude-I think you're starting to make some sense to him!

Something to Think About

Whenever you find yourselves declaring all those who don't entirely agree with you to be your enemies, a rational person ought to pull up short and rethink. You are multiplying your foes and diminishing your friends, and you should not do that unless it is a matter of the most extreme moral necessity.
MaxedOutMama-5/24/2006

Friday, May 12, 2006

The Nina

A replica of Columbus' ship that brought him to America and back and later to the Amazon sailed in for a weekend fundraiser at the Maritime Museum Annex on Gallant's Channel. This type ship was known as a "caravel," used by explorers in the Age of Discovery. Photos by my wife Jane!

Rigging Posted by Picasa

Ship's Boat Plaque Posted by Picasa

Plaque Posted by Picasa

Mast with Flag Posted by Picasa

More. Posted by Picasa

The Nina sailed in today! Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Important Medical News

From E-Mail:

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, the FDA recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink." Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO"

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

James Lileks Translates Iranian Madman's Letter to President Bush

An example why James Lileks is the funniest writer in America today. How he produces consistently funny stuff at such a prolific rate is truly amazing. Here's today's offering where he translates the 18 page letter from Ahmadinejad.

News story: Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has sent an eighteen-page letter to President Bush. No work on whether it was hand-written in tiny type, margin to margin, and wrapped in tinfoil. Herewith are some excerpts.

Dear Infidel Crusader Zionist sock-puppet Saudi-lackey depoiler of Mesopotamia woman-touching pigdog fiendish (293 words excised) Shah-licking son of a toad’s offal: I trust this finds you well. I have much on my mind, and have taken the pen to unburden my breast. I have enclosed a self-addressed stamped envelope should you wish to reply.

(429 words concerning Jewish penetration of the Postal System excised)

. . . Do you not realize you are beaten, as a donkey is beaten, but knoweth not his donkeyhood is cursed? Your comics have turned against you in your own lair, and mock you without mercy. We have seen the videos of the Meal of the Correspondents, and we know how your left regards the men of the laugh as prophets and seers. It is only a matter of time before Johnny Carson (applause be upon him) returns from occlusion to request that you, Mr. President, take the Slauson cutoff, get out of your car, and cut off your Slauson, Hi-yo, salaam. And a third part of the Slauson shall be stained with the tears of the womenfolk, and (9323 words excised)

. . . Our people glow with pride over our nuclear efforts, sometimes literally. I repeat that the enrichment is for peaceful purposes only, and we seek only peace, and peace is our goal, and there is nothing more we love than peace. Except death. Sorry; forgot. Death is definitely number one. In third place of things we love, well, there were those nice ice-cream desserts they had at this little place in Tehran. When I was Mayor I had them brought in on Fridays. Good times, good times. But once I found a hair.

(2356 words excised concerning Jewish penetration of the Iranian Dessert-Industrial complex)

... Na na na nah, nah, everything’s underground! And your Congressors cut funding for the nuclear bombs which permit the busting of the bunker. Na na na! I do a taunting dance and cock my hips mockingly! In sudden seriousness, please to be thank them for this, although we lost a day’s work in the labs due to the celebration. I even permitted the drinking of whiskey, and decreed that the suppliers of alcohol be only lightly killed. (549 repetitions of “na na na na” excised)

. . . and if you had the problem I have with razors you would know why my beard seems so tentative at times; if I may speak with you man to anointed hastener of the Apocalypse, how do you get such a smooth shave? A hot towel? Perhaps the Five-Blade Razor of which we have heard muttered rumors? Personally, I use an exfoliating agent which (8343 words excised)

. . . and Jack Bauer will not be able to save you this time, my friend. If there is an attack on our country we will double our aid to the Iraqi patriots, double our funding to Hezbollah and its female auxiliary wing Sisboombah, and double again our attempts to secrete through your borders weapons both chemical and biological.

Ah – er, reduce everything I said in the previous paragraph by half. We will START doing those things. Yes, that is the thing that is the ticket: start. We will also use our fearsome weapons of unspeakable lethality to destroy your planes before they are even built, let alone launched. We can sink your mighty aircraft carriers by shouting in unison, so great is our national will.

. . . Seriously, when I came to the UN and you didn’t even send a fruit basket, it hurt. Did you not see how well I was received? Did you not see the light of God that surrounded me when I spoke, how no one blinked as I related our message, how doves came out of my mouth and the pants of all were filled with flowers. Did you not note how the exact number of letters I spoke divided by the sum (in Euros) we paid the Chinese engineers was the winning lottery number the following week? Including the Powerball? And you seek to confound my work to bring back the Messiah and bring the world once more into the arms of Islam? Including all penguins?

What are you, nuts?

Sincerely and Death to America,

Mahmoud, descendant of Xerxes, 34th degree Mason, personal valet of the hidden Imam, and not just a member of the Hair Club for Men – I’m also the President! Death to America.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

When Southern Fishermen Meet

"Hyamac"
"Lobuddy"
"Binearlong?"
"Coplours"
"Cetcheenny?"
"Goddafew"
"Kindarthay?"
"Bassencarp"
"Ennysizetoom?"
"Couplapowns"
"Hittinhard?"
"Sordalike"
"Wachoosen?"
"Gobbaworms"
"Fishinonaboddum?"
"Rydownonaboddum"
"Whatchadrinkin?"
"Jugajimbeam"
"Igoddago"
"Tubad"
"Seeyaroun"
"Yeahtakideezy"
"Guluck"

Monday, May 01, 2006

Try Your Hand Shooting the "Kitty Cannon"

Kill Your Weeds and Your Weiner in One Shot!

Pesticides may affect penis size
A renowned U.S. scientist supports a ban on the chemicals for cosmetic purposes.
By JOHN MINER, FREE PRESS HEALTH REPORTER
Pesticides may affect penis size
Zoologist Louis Guillette was drawn into London's pesticide-ban debate during a lecture stop at the University of Western Ontario yesterday. (Ken Wightman, LFP)

A renowned U.S. scientist who has documented fertility and sex changes -- including decreasing penis size -- due to environmental contamination says he wouldn't apply pesticides on his own lawn.

Delivering a special series of lectures this week at the University of Western Ontario, Louis Guillette has been drawn into London's lawn-care debate during question periods and talk-show interviews.

"The use of these compounds just for cosmetic reasons, just because you don't want to make dandelion wine from your yard or whatever, I think is inappropriate," Guillette, who is associate dean for research at the University of Florida, said in a lecture yesterday at UWO's Schulich School of Medicine and Dentistry.

Based on his own scientific investigations, Guillette said there's enough evidence pesticides put children, wildlife and the ecosystem at risk.

"Just because you can go buy them at the local stores doesn't meant that is appropriate use," he said.

A zoologist, Guillette has spent the last decade studying the influence of environmental contaminants on fetal development and reproductive systems of wildlife and humans, including the differences between alligators living in contaminated Florida lakes and those in cleaner ones.

He found abnormalities in sex organs, dramatic differences in egg-hatching rates and hormone levels.

Penis size of the animals from the polluted lake was smaller than animals from the less-polluted lake.

"This is important because it is not just an alligator story. It is not just a lake story. We know there has been a dramatic increase in penile and genital abnormalities in baby boys," Guillette said.

A followup study by another scientist involving healthy couples with 5,000 healthy babies also found reduced penis size with higher contamination levels.

"Are (their penises) so small they are actually having problems? We don't know. These are baby boys," he said.

But rodent studies have indicated more difficulty with fertility and other aspects later on, he said.

The researchers also found the alligators from contaminated water had abnormal ovaries. Some of the abnormalities were traced to chemical compounds with estrogen, a sex hormone. Estrogenic-type compounds are found in some pesticides, including atrazine, mostly widely used in North America for weed control.

Guillette said he doesn't support a total pesticide ban, saying their use is proper for public health and probably in agriculture. But when people can reduce their exposure they should, he said.